Friday, February 25, 2011

On the Bus

This morning, I hopped on to my semi-regular #10 bus, and realized that the driver was new and being trained. My first thought was, "Great. A blizzard and training...I'm never getting to work." But I did! With only a minor amount of murderous rage. During this whole conversation I felt like I was being Punk'd.

Me: Excuse me, ma'am. Do you think the bus is going to be on time?

Trainer: On time for what?

Me: For...the...scheduled arrival?

Trainer: Why?

Me: Beeee...cause...I have to make a connection?

Trainer: What time is the scheduled arrival?

Me: *brain explodes*

(To be fair, after I explained the situation, the trainer loosened up quite a bit and even offered to call the shuttle driver and ask her to wait for a moment. So the customer service was ultimately very good. It was only completely obtuse in the beginning. :|)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A New Drinking Game

I came up with a new (drinking) game tonight. It's called, "The Onion or Reality." You recite a headline and then your friends have to guess if it's a real headline, or an article from The Onion. This exchange took place while I was reading Popeater, before anyone knew it was a drinking game.

Me: Charlie Sheen taking tropical vacation with wife, porn star girlfriend and third woman.

Him: What, is that an Onion headline, or something?

Me: Nope.

*everybody drinks*

It's Like a Reverse Booty Call

Perhaps I need to have my hearing checked, because there have been a lot of miscommunications between me and my boyfriend over the past 24 hours. Oh, no, as I replay this conversation in my head, I'm remembering that he was the one who misheard, here. So we both need a check-up.

Me: I had my first Spanish call today!

Him: What's a banish call?

Me: Like...with a translator?

Him: OH! A Spanish call! I didn't hear you correctly.

Me: Ha! A "banish call" would be funny, though. It's like the opposite of a booty call.

Him: Yeah, I'm drunk dialing you at 2 a.m. to tell you that I DON'T want to sleep with you.

Me: Banished.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Talkin Bout 'V'

V's a favorite in my house. This is from a conversation about last week's episode, which I think I slept through.

Him: Erica is getting in the way of Tyler being involved with the V, so Anna is planning to...

Me: She's, like, redoubling her efforts to win over Tyler?

Him: Right. She's planning to just kill Erica so that he's left without any family and has to join them. And more than that, they're establishing now how Tyler is really at the root of all of this, how he's the lynch pin* in the whole V plan. He's the keystone.

Me...when you first said, "lynch pin," I thought you said, "lunch bin."

Him: That doesn't make sense.

Me: But it's cuter.

Him: It is totally cute.

*After I wrote this, I doubted my spelling of the term lynch pin, so I Wiki'd it and apparently the more commonly accepted spelling is, "linchpin." That just doesn't feel right to me. I dunno. Also lunch bin is the new lobster. As in, "He's her lunch bin."

The First Date

Girl: I expect the finer things in life.

Guy: Oh. Really? I'm totally not materialistic. You shouldn't be so superficial.

Girl: Well, I know what I want!

Guy: Well, I don't have what you want!

Girl: Well, why are we on this date then?

Guy: Because I thought you were hot.

The Harem

A friend of mine expressed his desire to have a Gadafi-style Amazonian Guard. I imagine:

Gary: Who shall fetch me a chilled beverage?

Harem: *silence*

Gary: I never should have gotten you bitches cable.

The Long-Term Relationship

During Attack of the Show's Epic Giveaway:

Him: Ooo, get ready to go to the website and enter.

Me: *goes to*

Him: If you win, you can give it to me for my birthday!

Me: *blinks*

Him: ...or you could keep it for yourself and tell me to go to hell?

Me: It's nice how we know each other so well, we don't even have to talk.